Friday, August 15, 2008

DON'T EXPECT INSTANT LOVE FROM YOUR STEPKIDS

When your stepchildren don't welcome you into their lives with open arms, remember that it's not them who have chosen you. No matter how much your partner loves you, his or her children may not feel the same way about you.

Stepchildren are not likely to be crazy about you if:

* They are still grieving over their parent's separation.
* They blame you for splitting up their parent's relationship.
* They feel as though liking you means that they are being disloyal to their same-sex biological parent.
* They think that you are responsible for their 'left behind' parent's pain and grief.
* They think that you are trying to take the place of the parent they have 'lost'.
* They are competing with you for their parent's time, attention and/or affection.

There could be any one of a number of things going on for your stepchild/ren that makes it difficult for them to even like you, much less love you. Your best bet in overcoming these difficulties is in stocking up on a good supply of patience, kindness, understanding and positive expecation. Although not all children respond to this, it significantly betters your chances with them. So, take your relationship with them easy, slowly and don't give up hope if their affection towards you takes longer than you'd anticipated.

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