Monday, September 7, 2009

How to Make Pain Work For You - Part 2

Okay, here is the next installment of 'How to make pain work for you'. Be sure to read the 1st part before you read this one.

BE TOUGH – As I needed to be tough and not allow the excruciating pain to overwhelm me until it was finally relieved by a very welcome shot of pethidine (an hour and a half after the incident!), there will be times in a stepparent’s life when nothing short of being tough will stop them from crumbling under the strain and buckling under the pressure.

Life requires toughness - the ability to grit ones teeth and endure. No one who walks this earth has it easy. When we are in pain it’s easy to look around and see all the other people going about their business as normal – not a trace of pain to be seen on their faces and we long to be just like them. Guess what, they too have their struggles; they too have endured significant pain at some point or other and/or have their times of difficulty yet ahead. There is no such thing as an easy life…..and the older you get the more you will come to understand this. So, when you hit a tough spot, remember that this too shall pass. So, grit your teeth and hang in there!

ACCEPT SUPPORT – Although the customers and staff of the supermarket where I took my fall rallied around me, they couldn’t do much more than collect the bits and pieces that had fallen out of my hands (wallet, mobile, handbag) and make me as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. Despite their inability to change my situation, I really appreciated their kindness and concern. It was nice to know that I wasn’t on my own.

As stepmums we need to accept any support we can get. Even if the support we are getting doesn’t change our situation, it can still be incredibly helpful. A stepmum’s support could be:

*A relative offering to look after the new baby whilst you make special one-on-one time for your distressed stepson…or…take a well-deserved break…or…go shopping without appendages – yippee!

* A girl-friend suggesting a heart-to-heart when she overhears your stepdaughter telling you how much she hates you and that no matter what, you’ll never be her mum…or…your partner's ‘ex’ is making yet another demand on your already strained finances …or…you are upset because your partner decided 'out of the blue' and without consulting you first to take his bio kids along on the holiday you had hoped to spend alone with him.

* A parent who’ll take your kids and step kids off your hands so that you and your partner can have a weekend of R & R…or…to spend some time sorting out your differences…or… to just reconnect and have some fun.

Even if it doesn’t look like the supporting hand can do much to stop your pain, never say ‘no’ to someone offering help!

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