Monday, November 29, 2010

Step 6 - TOLERATE the things that cannot be changed

Continuing with our '10 STEPS TO SUPPORTING YOUR PARTNER' series, here is Step 6

With the best of intentions, sometimes all we can do is to tolerate things. This is quite an art that most of us only learn with maturity.

I often see couples in my practice who are totally invested in getting their partners to change certain of their behaviours. Usually these are behaviours to which they cannot relate, which they find frustrating, irritating or annoying; behaviours they swear will drive them crazy. Yes, some behaviour changes can certainly be essential. Sometimes, however, becoming more accepting of a
partner’s differences may be all it takes. Remember that you are not the only one who is called upon to exercise tolerance. Think of how many things your partner needs to tolerate! Perhaps they too find it a struggle to deal with circumstances that are beyond their control (i.e. your difficult ‘ex’ ... your children’s behaviour … early Sunday mornings ‘a trois’ when your precious little ankle biters decide to join you both in bed and all romantic notions fly out the window… etc.) In the same way you need to tolerate some of your partner's idiosyncrasies you will have to tolerate some of theirs.

Just remember- some things simply aren’t worth fighting over so, reserve your fighting spirit for more important things.

Please return for Step 7 of our '10 STEPS TO SUPPORTING YOUR PARTNER' series.

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