Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Starting Over

So you are in love again and you are believing, hoping and praying that this time it's 'the real thing'! You deserve happiness. It's been a long haul after your first marriage breakup - and you are ready! That's wonderful and I wholeheartedly congratulate you. However, having worked with multitudes of newly partnered 2nd and even 3rd timers I would strongly encourage you to ensure that you get to know HIM 'warts and all' before you fully commit emotionally and/or otherwise. The following questionnaire will help you think about some of the areas that are going to eventually make or break your relationship.

What are the differences between me and my partner in the areas of:

  • Personal values

  • Life styles

  • General beliefs

  • Spiritual beliefs

  • Communication

  • Conflict Resolution

What do I know about my partner?:

  • What does my partner love about me?

  • What does my partner hope to gain from his relationship with me?

  • How emotionally supportive is my partner of me?

  • How much do I know about my partner’s financial commitments, assets and debts?

  • How comfortable is my partner about the way we are dealing with (or planning to deal with) household expenses (pooling our money or keeping separate accounts)?

  • How much of our household responsibilities are shared by my partner?

  • How much time is my partner spending with me?

What does my partner know about me?

  • What does my partner know about my likes and dislikes?

  • How emotionally supportive am I of my partner?

  • What are my partner’s expectations of me regarding his children?

  • How much contact does my partner have with his ex-partner?

  • How much conflict does my partner have with his ex-partner?

  • What role does my partner play (or wish to play) in my children’s lives?

If you are able to answer most of these questions you’ve obviously given a fair bit of thought to these issues. You may be surprised, though, to find that you are quite unsure of some of the answers. If this is so, then this questionnaire can become a helpful talking point between you. Feel free to use it as such and enjoy the process of discovery.

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