Monday, September 26, 2011

Maturity - The Stepparent's Winning Formula


 MATURITY  = DEPENDABILITY

Dependability is a very important issue. It determines whether you are trustworthy (or not) and therefore has a huge impact on each one of your relationships. 

Dependability for you, the step-parent, means:

* Taking the responsibility you’ve accepted by moving into the stepfamily experience seriously.
* Keeping your word whether you feel like it or not.
* Being there for each member of your stepfamily no matter how difficult it may be (and being gracious about it).
* Frequently doing things you don’t particularly like doing.
* Making sacrifices that you hadn’t anticipated.
*Remembering your promise ‘for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health’…..

MATURITY IS THE ART OF LIVING IN PEACE WITH THAT WHICH CANNOT BE CHANGED

Stepfamily living requires that you become very artful at this, as there are multitudes of things which cannot be changed. Railing against these things brings no more than permanent frustration, feeling out of control, feeling victimized, blown about by circumstance, at the mercy of others, unhappy and frequently discontent.

For you, the step-parent, this means:

*Discovering the things that you can and the things that you cannot change in your situation.
*Developing the ability to know the difference.
*Letting go of the things you cannot change.
*Developing the ability to separate your feelings from other people’s actions.
*Developing the gift of flexibility.
*Trusting that things will work out in the end, even if you are not in control of them.

MATURITY IS ACCEPTING YOURSELF

Self-acceptance is a very important stepping stone on the path to maturity. The reality is that unless you accept yourself (warts and all) there is no way you can possibly accept anyone else.

Self-acceptance for you, the step-parent, means:

*The need to open your eyes to your strengths as well as your weaknesses.
*To discover your beauty as well as your inner areas of darkness.
*To know that you cannot be all things to all people.
*To accept that you won’t get it right all the time no matter how hard you try and that this doesn’t mean that you are a failure or make you worth less than anyone else.
*Rather than beating yourself up about the things you dislike about yourself you become open to discovery, learning and change.
*That all the power you will ever need already resides within you.


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