Saturday, March 22, 2014
Sonja's Tips For Stepmothers
Take it easy and take it slowly. Realise that you stepchildren need as much time to get used to you as you need to get used to them
Remember that you are not their biological mother and never will be, so don’t waste any effort in trying to replace her
Be aware that your step kids might struggle with loyalty issues. If they don’t fell as though you are a threat to the relationship they have with their biological mother , it’ll be much easier on them… and (therefore ) on you.
Be for them whatever you are comfortable with and what you think might be best for them - that could be a mentor, a guide, a protector, a listening ear, a friend or just a comfortable and/or fun person to be around
Don’t jump into the role of disciplinarian. Your stepchildren won’t appreciate it. Let their dad be in charge of that department at least for a while
Don’t heap expectations on your stepchildren . That achieves no more than to incite their resentment , rebellion and rejection… and it leaves you demoralised , discouraged and feeling as though you’ve failed
Avoid competing with your step kids for your partners love. That always ends in an argument and tears and is a totally futile effort. Instead accept that the love he has for them is different to the love he has for you.
Be nice to your stepchildren. Even if initially they don’t respond in kind it increases your chance that eventually they will
Accept them for who they are even if they are nothing like the way you’d prefer them to be. Acceptance is the only foundation from which healthy change can occur
Be aware that it’s not unusual for step mum’s to feel isolated, disappointed , rejected, and hurt. If you feel this way , remember that you are not the ‘ only one’ Make sure you let off steam and don’t bottle up your feelings
Take care of yourself. Unless you ensure that YOUR love-tank is full, YOUR needs are net and you spend some time just being YOURSELF, you won’t last the distance.
Guard your sense of humour and share it with your family. Lots of situations in you step mothering experience will leave you with a choice - to laugh or to cry. Choosing to see the funny side of things will help you stay sane despite the difficulties of your step – journey.