Saturday, March 22, 2014

Sonja's Tips For Stepmothers

Sonja’s Tips for Stepmothers

*     Take it easy and take it slowly.  Realise that you stepchildren need as much time to get used to you as you need to get used to them

*     Remember that you are not their biological mother and never will be, so don’t waste any effort in trying to replace her

*     Be aware that your step kids might struggle with loyalty issues.  If they don’t fell as though you are a threat to the relationship they have with their biological mother , it’ll be much easier on them… and (therefore ) on you.

*     Be for them whatever you are comfortable with and what you think might be best for them -  that could be a mentor, a guide, a protector, a listening ear, a friend or just a comfortable and/or fun person to be around

*     Don’t jump into the role of disciplinarian.  Your stepchildren won’t appreciate it.  Let their dad be in charge of that department at least for a while

*     Don’t heap expectations on your stepchildren .  That achieves no more than to incite their resentment , rebellion and rejection… and it leaves you demoralised , discouraged and feeling as though you’ve failed

*     Avoid competing with your step kids for your partners love.  That always ends in an argument and tears and is a totally futile effort. Instead accept that the love he has for them is different to the love he has for you.

*     Be nice to your stepchildren. Even if initially they don’t respond in kind it increases your chance that eventually they will

*     Accept them for who they are even if they are nothing like the way you’d prefer them to be.  Acceptance is the only foundation from which healthy change can occur

*     Be aware that it’s not unusual for step mum’s to feel isolated, disappointed , rejected, and hurt.  If you feel this way , remember that you are not the ‘ only one’ Make sure you let off steam and don’t bottle up your feelings

*     Take care of yourself.  Unless you ensure that YOUR love-tank is full, YOUR needs are net and you spend some time just being YOURSELF, you won’t last the distance.

*     Guard your sense of humour and share it with your family.  Lots of situations in you step mothering experience will leave you with a choice -  to laugh or to cry. Choosing to see the funny side of things will help you stay sane despite the difficulties of your step – journey. 

1 comment:

HappyTchr said...

Excellent list and wonderful reminders.